angelfxybaby (angelfxybaby) wrote,

Melancholy Madness

I feel as though almost everyone lately has been coming up with excuses when we either make plans or I talk to them on the phone. Is it too much to ask someone to stick to plans they make or for someone to just have the time to talk to you when you really need it.

I'm beginning to feel like no matter where I am I have this feeling inside as though there's a part of me that is missing. As though someone took that part and never gave it back. I feel as though I am just becoming jaded towards everything and everyone.

It's like I want someone to care about me but I just don't have the energy in me to make something work and when I do manage to get the energy for someone reason it always seems as though it was just a waste of energy.

I just want someone who has the same goals in life as me, or at least the same family goals as me. Because lately I've been feeling like at the rate I am going I'm not going to have anyone to start a family with.

Plus I still feel emotionally fucked up from my last relationship. It's as though no matter how much effort I put into something I feel like it will never be enough. I feel as though everyone will leave me and that they'll leave for no good reason, just like he did to me. They all just come up with some half assed excuses about why they can't be with me.

Is it too much to just ask to be happy for more than a few minutes at a time. I feel as though my house of cards is beginning to crumble and there's no why I'll be able to get all the pieces together again to put it back together.

It takes a toll after awhile when you act like nothing is bothering you. You begin to find solace in the fact that when no one is around you can let the tears fall freely without the shame of having to explain why you are crying in the first place. You just wish the tears would stop flowing already, you feel so drained and don't know how your body can possibly even cry anymore or even produce anymore tears so they can pour down your cheeks.

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