#1

Everybody Just Wants That Fairytale Ending

Have been single for so long I feel as though I'm never going to find that person. All I want at this point in time is just someone I can fall asleep next to as they hold me. I miss having that intimate contact of a significant other. I'm beginning to feel like I had my chance and I fucked it up.

It also doesn't help that I feel as though I torture myself by reading stories that have semi happy endings, or they have that perfect relationship in them. They just make me wonder what I did to not deserve someone that will love me unconditional.

I want someone who'll love me without making me feel like they are using me, like I'm just a toy for them, or even like I'm a burden to them. I've just felt so lost lately and just want that person that will help me feel less lost. That person that can be my rock when I need one, especially since I'm always there for my friends and such but I feel like I don't have that back 100%.
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#8

(no subject)

I feel as though I'm spiraling down into a black abyss and I have no way of getting out. It's as though it's been happening for years and I'm just now getting towards the bottom of this pit with no way out, not even up is an option. So how would I even beginning to start feeling like this isn't getting towards the end that I wasn't being consumed by indescribable feelings?

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#8

Getting Sick of this Melancholy

Have you ever felt like your heart got ripped out and that there should be no reason for you to feel that way. Maybe other than the fact that even though you are surrounded by so many people yet you feel as though you are standing there and no one sees you. All you want is for someone to care about you on a different level than what family and friends do. You see everyone else around in happy relationships but everyone you've been in seem to just disintegrate in front of you, even when you try you're hardest to fix them or to keep them going. All you want is a family of your own and to feel like you found your niche in life, but it seems as though that time seems to just be speeding past you. One guy I like I feel like he's avoiding me, we make plans and then when the day those plans come up he always seems to have excuses lately. Is it so bad all I want is to hang out with people that I don't live with. I feel as though this cabin fever is going to slowly eat me away from the inside. I just want to hit rewind and go back to a few years, break my contract I had before I had even left for boot camp and seen where that brought me to now.

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#8

Melancholy Madness

I feel as though almost everyone lately has been coming up with excuses when we either make plans or I talk to them on the phone. Is it too much to ask someone to stick to plans they make or for someone to just have the time to talk to you when you really need it.

I'm beginning to feel like no matter where I am I have this feeling inside as though there's a part of me that is missing. As though someone took that part and never gave it back. I feel as though I am just becoming jaded towards everything and everyone.

It's like I want someone to care about me but I just don't have the energy in me to make something work and when I do manage to get the energy for someone reason it always seems as though it was just a waste of energy.

I just want someone who has the same goals in life as me, or at least the same family goals as me. Because lately I've been feeling like at the rate I am going I'm not going to have anyone to start a family with.

Plus I still feel emotionally fucked up from my last relationship. It's as though no matter how much effort I put into something I feel like it will never be enough. I feel as though everyone will leave me and that they'll leave for no good reason, just like he did to me. They all just come up with some half assed excuses about why they can't be with me.

Is it too much to just ask to be happy for more than a few minutes at a time. I feel as though my house of cards is beginning to crumble and there's no why I'll be able to get all the pieces together again to put it back together.

It takes a toll after awhile when you act like nothing is bothering you. You begin to find solace in the fact that when no one is around you can let the tears fall freely without the shame of having to explain why you are crying in the first place. You just wish the tears would stop flowing already, you feel so drained and don't know how your body can possibly even cry anymore or even produce anymore tears so they can pour down your cheeks.

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#8

(no subject)

Why do I seem so close to tears most days? This is one of those days that I wish I'd never started dating Brando, especially when I had an amazing guy that would wait for me until I was done with my six year contract.

Lately I've been thinking about the weekend I graduated from Boot Camp and my parents and sister had just left, I picked up the payphone and called the one person I knew I could count on. I just remember telling him about how much it sucked that my family had just left, that I didn't know when I would see them again, and that I really wished that he would have been able to come up and see me. Even being so far away from me he made me love him more by telling me things would get better, that he missed me so much and that he couldn't wait until I would be able to come home so he could see me again, so he could hold me again.

It makes me sad to think that I probably had one of the greatest guys out there and I let him get away. I try to act and have acted since then like it doesn't affect me as much as it does, but it kills me inside when I think about it.

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#8

Feeling Empty Inside

You would think with someone leaving soon you'd want to actually spend time with them and not be going out with other people or barely talking to them. I guess with the way this person has been acting I'm glad I'm going home because at least the people I do talk to back home don't act like I'm a disease or some unwanted thing. I'm sick of people treating me like I'm just some toy they can keep around for awhile and then toss away when they get bored of it.

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#8

Ramblings of an Insomniac

Some days I feel as though the world is on fast forward while I end up moving at an even slower pace than usual. I'm really beginning to believe me signing that contract and joining the navy did nothing but fuck up my life. I feel like everything is going to shit and I can't stop it. I think I found someone who actually cares about me for me and I can't be with them because we are thousands of miles away from each other and it sucks. We both finally aren't with someone else and it seems like the universe is bent on keeping us apart and miserable. Is it so bad I want to be happy? Especially with all the shit I dealt with, with my ex. I want to tell him how I actually feel but I guess I just don't want to make myself vulnerable again, and I think it may actually be hurting me more than helping me. I wish I could just make my brain stop over analyzing everything, I wish I could just turn it off for a little while.

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#8

Nothing

I feel as though out of all my cousins I'm the one that's meant to not be happy. It's as though everything that can wrong does go wrong. Is it so much to just ask for someone who cares about me as a person and not as someone with a nice body, or ass. I don't want to be seen as a piece of meat, but as the person I am. Maybe that's why I just don't feel like hanging out with anyone anymore. Some days I just want to go home so I can hold my bunny, because he just makes me feel better. I'm just getting so sick of so much shit.
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#8

Sometimes Just Writing Clears Your Head

Sometimes you are your own worst enemy, and that in lies the problem for most people. When left to their own devices most people begin to doubt themselves, beginning to question things they have done in the past. If some of the decisions they had made were the right decisions. Or if some of the timing in their life was lined up with another person's and that they would have to wait until it did.

When it comes to that waiting it sucks sometimes because you just want that time to be now, you want things to work out within that moment in time and not later on. It really hurts also when you make a decision to remove someone from your life due to another person and that person you made that sacrifice for throws it back in your face, it causes you to doubt if you made the right decision in getting rid of the other person.

Some nights you just want to cry yourself to sleep and you have no reason to other than your past which was so long ago. Would you be happier now if you had made different choices? But I guess only you yourself can answer that question and it may take some time before you get the answer. And until then you will continue to question the motive of what life has in store for you.
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#8

Thoughts Jumping Around in Your Head

Sometimes you wonder if you've already met the person that makes you happy, and if you've already spent time with them. But it ended up being not the right time for you, because things got so jacked up. Maybe you then pushed your feelings off on someone else even though in the back of your mind you wanted to be with another person, but you didn't realize it at the time.
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